You’re not even 9 months old yet and already I’m more proud of you than I ever could be. When you were born, you didn’t cry. The doctors were pinching your tiny feet and for a split second there, my heart stopped. I had you in my arms and I knew you were breathing but as a new mum all over again, I panicked. Then you started to cry and it took all my strength not to cry too. I just held you and spoke to you gently and kissed you. It was the best day of my entire life. I felt like the luckiest person in the world. I cannot explain how beautiful you looked. The nurses all joked about how quiet you were. Little did they know, you’re actually the loudest baby I’ve ever met. The first 24 hours with you were unreal. You’re my third baby, but it was like you were my first. I suddenly felt clueless and didn’t want to break you. That first night we spent together, I was alone with you. You have no clue, but I promised to never let you down, to always do my best for you and also be the best mum I could be to you. And that promise, I will keep forever.
I’m sorry that I’m the only parent who’s going to raise you. I’m sorry that you couldn’t have a father in your life. I’m sorry that he wasn’t man enough to be your father. I’m sorry that he wasn’t man enough to help support you. Because of that, until I find my feet, sometimes we may struggle. But I will find my feet. I’m not always going to be able to afford things. I’m not always going to be the most fun mum because sometimes I’ll be too stressed or wiped out, but just know that I’ll always love you and make you feel loved. I may seem like I’m letting you down from time to time but I promise you that I will do everything within my power to give you the best life possible and give you everything you need and more. You don’t need a waster like him. You’re truly better off without. I will be the strong female influence in your life and I will also be the male influence in your life because if anyone is capable of doing both jobs, it’s your me!
We don’t have to worry about anyone else. You and I are going to have the best adventures together! You’re going to grow up strong, happy, loved and you’re going to learn so much about life. I want you to be the best that you can possibly be.
When I was pregnant with you, I wasn’t excited to have another baby, but that all changed the second you came into my life. Because I’m your only parent, you’re extremely attached to me and by gosh lady, sometimes that can become suffocating, but I honestly wouldn’t swap it for the world. You’re my life. You give me life. I look at you and feel an overwhelming sense of pride and love. The way you look at me with those big blue eyes and that gorgeous smile, just kills me. I love how you hang off everything I do or say with such curiosity, absorbing it all in. You’re so fascinated about everything going on around you. You’ve got such charisma too, especially for such a young baby. It’s hard for me not to tear up when you smile at me or hold my hand. I think you know already how in love with you I am.
I promise that I will be the best mum to you. I’ll literally do anything for you and that will never, ever change. I will keep you safe and protected. I’ll make sure you’re the happiest little girl in the world (which you already are). You came into my life at an awkward time but you are the most wonderful thing to ever happen to me as well as your older brother and sister. I couldn’t ask for more beautiful children. You’ve made our little family complete.
I love you more than anything in the world, Abigail. You are my sunshine!
Love Mummy xxx