I’ve always struggled with weight problems. My metabolism is all over the place and has been for quite some time now. One minute I’m in shape and looking good and the next I’m reaching for my super stretchy pants and having emotional breakdowns in my bathroom mirror. We’ve all done it; standing in our underwear, grabbing our belly fat and wiggling our arms. It’s called being a woman.
Throughout my twenties, my clothes size and self esteem has yo yo’d so much. Even if other people thought that I looked good, I couldn’t accept it. I hated the way I looked. I hated whenever anyone would compliment me because I just didn’t believe it was true. I’ve avoided going out with friends before and I’ve also avoided dates, because I just don’t want people to look at me. I’ve even ruined relationships because of my low self esteem. On social media I look confident but trust me, I wasn’t. I’ve always worried about what other people think about my image. I’ve always wondered if they think I’m fat and my self esteem has been in places I hate to think of. I’ve been the girl who’s made herself sick in order to drop weight fast. I’ve been the girl who comfort eats and then hates herself at the end of the day. I’ve been inside my own head for most of my life, making awful comments and comparing myself to other women…
… Until about two weeks ago.
I stopped the worrying and the comparisons. I stopped hating myself. I’m not sure if it’s something to do with turning 30, but I don’t feel sad when I see myself. I don’t feel the need to put pressure on myself. I don’t care what other people think either.
I put myself on a reduced sugar diet (I say “reduced” because I still have an energy drink every other day), I’ve been drinking lots more water, I’ve been eating fresher foods, exercising LOTS more, cut coffee out of my diet and well, pretty much everything I said in my post My Recent Lifestyle and Fitness Changes. Have I lost weight? I haven’t checked. Probably not and I don’t care right now because I’m feeling a LOT better already. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still on a weight loss journey. I’d really like to get down to a more comfortable size, but I’m now enjoying the process of making my lifestyle a more healthy one and doing it in the right way, with no excuses and no negative thoughts. If I don’t lose any weight for a little while then cool, I’m learning to love myself regardless.
To tell you the truth, I’m kinda enjoying my curves right now. They don’t bother me. If they bother anyone else, or if anyone else looks at me and thinks I don’t look good then that’s totally okay, because I’m finally okay with myself. I can look at myself in the mirror and be realistic and say “I’m not perfect, I’m a little out of shape, but I’m doing fine and I will get to where I want to be”. It’s how YOU view yourself. All the negative thoughts don’t come from other people, they come from your head. Once you learn how to get the hell out of it, then you’re winning.
So this is me. I call it my “mum bod”. It may look like a mum bod or it may not. I’m fine with either. I don’t mind. This is what I’m working with and, yeah, I’m happy. I’m also going to actively look after my skin but stop worrying about being wrinkly. If it happens, it happens. People age Laura, get over it. You were never a model anyway.
It’s not just about appearances though. I’m learning to be happier with who I am and the journey I’m on. I’m learning to give myself a little break and just focus on reaching goals. It’s all a part of growing and becoming the person you want to become. In order to do that, you’ve got to cut yourself some slack and start rejecting the negative thoughts.
I’d be interested to know if anyone else out there has been through the same thing when they turned 30 or even if they are younger. When did you learn to stop caring so much about other people’s opinions? How did you learn to finally get out of your own head and stop worrying so much?
I hope that anybody else who may be dealing with weight issues or self esteem issues stops putting so much pressure on themselves to be perfect, especially if you have kids and have noticed your body change a lot since. We are all different shapes and sizes, which is what makes us all unique and beautiful. I can’t believe it took me 30 years to finally realise this, but I’m glad I finally got to a better place.
Love yourselves the way you are 🙂