Alright everybody. Did you have a good weekend? I wrote “week” at first because I had no idea what day we are on. Life of a stay-at-home mum, I guess haha. Today I’m going to talk about anxiety. There are A LOT of blogs out there with posts that target this serious topic which is great because it really helps people understand, even if they don’t suffer from it. I’m going for a different approach on the subject. I’m going to tell you some embarrassing stories about how I’ve reacted in the past, due to suffering from it. So if you want to see just how silly anxiety can make us or if you suffer from anxiety and want to laugh and relate with me, or just in general feel better about yourself, then keep reading.
WARNING! This post will probably contain some bad language. I swear a lot when I’m having a funny turn haha!
- a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
When beds get the better of you
One time I was putting a fitted sheet back on my bed and the corners kept popping off. When I finally got them on and was stretching it over the last corner, another one popped off again and I fell on the bed because my knees were on the part I needed to stretch (the bed was up against the wall). I couldn’t handle it anymore and my brain completely shut down. I couldn’t carry on. I stopped what I was doing and started muttering to myself “Oh you’re s**t, this is bulls**t, I can’t believe this is happening, I’m having such a bad day, I hate my life ARHGHHH” and I started crying to myself on the bed….. Then I got over it, popped the sheet on and walked away injury-free. Totally normal behaviour right?
I once was running late but I needed to do my makeup. I always use liquid eyeliner and anyone who’s used it before knows that liquid eyeliner and rushing don’t mix. Time was counting down, I had to leave, but I wanted to perfect that wing so I tried my absolute best with a shaky hand but it wasn’t working out. Each time I messed it up and tried again, I could feel my blood boiling and the anxiety kicking in because I hate being late for things, so I took the eyeliner in anger and purposely made a mess of my wing, drawing it half way across my face and scribbling ON MY FACE like a f**king lunatic!!!! Then I let out a scream, wiped it off and just went without any makeup on. Fail.
Where the f**k are my keys?
I’m one of those mums who thinks she’s organised but really isn’t. I’m always running around last minute trying to find my car keys and this isn’t the only time this has happened. Again, I hate being late for things so I always get up and prepare everything super early for the kids so we can leave for school on time. This particular day I was just about on schedule, but as we were about to leave I noticed that my keys were nowhere to be found. I’m asking the kids to help me search, but the baby was crying for my attention. I kept looking at the time and could feel the nervousness and upset start to rise. I felt hot and clammy and was getting more and more irritated. The baby’s crying, my toddler was totting around talking gibberish to me and getting under my feet while I’m trying to find my darned keys. My seven year old who thinks she’s seventeen was throwing an attitude because I’ve asked her to help AND now we were late for school (in my head). It was becoming to much. I knew I was about to explode, so I ran into a room and shut the door so the kids couldn’t see me and started crying and yelling. I was in hysterics wondering why life was so hard and awww poor Laura, you lost your keys but it’s not your fault is it?…. Then I walked out in a calm manner, found my keys which were in the same place as I always leave them (fml), calmly put the kids in the car and went on my way as if that bullsh**t didn’t just occur.
I can’t remember what had pissed me off but I was already wound up over something. This was back when I drank loads of coffee which made me worse. I think the kids were at their dad’s house because I know the house was empty but something had set me off. Like most women, cleaning calms us right down but on this particular day it didn’t work. I started doing the laundry but when I looked down to see how much I had to do, my brain couldn’t handle it. So in good old fashioned Laura-style, I stood there screaming and crying at it shouting stuff like “THERE’S TOO MUCH F**KING HOUSEWORK, I HATE IT, I HATE MY LIFE ALL I DO IS F**KING HOUSEWORK”….I genuinely wound up and my brain couldn’t handle whatever was happening so I shut down and stood there for a second getting more and more wound up over f**k all. Really rational behaviour, right? It’s just a bit of laundry love, calm down.
In labour with no clue
My anxiety really isn’t as bad anymore but during my pregnancy it was a pain in the ass. I don’t think my fuse has ever been as short as it was while I was carrying Abbey. Anyway, the day I went into labour, nobody was around. I had just got done doing some squats when my water broke. Instantly I was like “OH SH*T WHAT DO I DO?” Even though this wasn’t my first rodeo. You know what it’s like when your anxiety is going off, you can’t think ahead. You can’t plan. Your brain won’t work and you have no idea what to do event though, you know you’re supposed to be doing something and then you get more and more wound up over the fact that you can’t do what you need to do…. so I was just stood there for a minute trying to figure it out.
I started pacing back and fourth, freaking the hell out. Like do I ring hospital? Do I ring my doctor? Do I call someone? What made it ten times worse is she came a few weeks early, so I had NO hospital bag packed. I had no list made up, I had nobody to help me and I just could not cope yet. So there I was standing in water, having no clue what to do. I wasn’t crying but I was definitely shaking and trying to calm myself down. Luckily my brother came to visit so the second he walked through the door I yelled at him to take me to the hospital. That gave him a nice fright …. Seeing him must have calmed me down because 2 minutes later I was laughing and asking him to take me to McDonalds on the way to hospital (which he did).
That’s all I have for today. I think it’s important to be able to laugh at yourself. I know a lot of people take anxiety so seriously but if I did that, I’d literally become a nervous wreck. I find it easier just to poke fun at myself for how silly I can be sometimes. More coming soon, I’m sure.
Thank you for reading.