A few days ago I did something that to outsiders, would seem a little stupid. A little irresponsible and quite dangerous. I tried to take my own birth control implant out myself. I’m not proud and I’m rather embarrassed but I thought I’d talk about it anyway. Why not? Let’s all have a laugh at how ridiculous I can be.
You’re probably thinking why wouldn’t you just get it done professionally? I wanted to. My insurance had ran out and everywhere wanted $250-$300 to take it out. I just couldn’t justify spending that much money on such a simple procedure. Just to have a nurse put a slice in my arm and pull a pull a piece of plastic out? A 5 minute procedure? It infuriated me. This country and it’s stupid healthcare costs really wind me up sometimes. I just don’t have that kind of money to throw away. I toyed with the idea of taking it out myself after searching how to do it online and watching a few home videos, which I know is stupid but I felt desperate at the time. I decided against it at first. Until that night, when I looked in the mirror and was disgusted at what I saw. I have gained quite a bit of weight off it and am struggling to lose it.
So off I went, carelessly. Unafraid of the pain because my motto is, if I can handle labour and childbirth then I can handle anything. I successfully got to the implant by making the incision myself. I sterilized the tools and had gauze, wraps etc at the ready, but the whole ordeal was a big FAIL! It’s impossible to get that thing out on your own and without the proper anesthetic it hurts too much to even try to remove the implant itself. I was so upset and frustrated. It was right there. I touched the implant but it wouldn’t budge. I felt stupid, I was in a little bit of panic and I was in complete shock about what I had just tried to do. I’ve NEVER done anything like that before and I think I snapped back into reality and realised what I had done so I started freaking out and crying.
I dressed the wound up and kept it covered but I wasn’t feeling right the day after. My hormones were all over the place and my arm was really hurting. I powered through until last night when I decided it was better to be safe than sorry, so I went to hospital. I’m glad I did. You know why? Yup, its infected. I had to have a Tetanus shot, Antibiotics and a lecture of four different nurses and doctors. I was tired, pissed off and humiliated.
Why did I want it taken out so badly? In my post My Experience with the Contraceptive Implant I express my opinions on it, only they’ve grown stronger. I hate this thing and I want it out of my body ASAP! When I got it put in, they told me that I’d have increased appetite but it shouldn’t cause weight gain as long as I ate right and exercised. I want to call bullshit on that. I probably don’t have the healthiest diet in the world but I workout daily and I don’t binge eat on crap all day. I’m active. I drink a can of Monster and I eat the odd bit of junk food but overall, I’m not THAT bad. We can discuss my diet all day long but the fact is, I know my body and putting on 30lbs since November isn’t normal for me. I usually maintain the same weight for a while. All I can think is it was so soon after having a baby, that my hormones got messed up and that plus increased appetite just made me blow up. Either way, I need this thing gone.
I got so frustrated that I stopped using my brain. I didn’t think further than how great I would feel to get it out. My mind was on losing weight and not the fact that I could probably have lost an arm or had blood poisoning. As silly as it was and as humiliated as I feel, that’s what American healthcare does to people, it makes us cut corners if we can’t afford the care and it’s probably the biggest thing I dislike about the place. No, this was not an excuse to go ahead and try to do surgery on myself, but it is what it is. I thought I could do it quickly and it would be over but no. Luckily, I’m fine. I have to go back in two weeks and pay to get it taken out. They wouldn’t take it out until the infection goes away. So in the end, I cost myself even more money and I wasted the ER nurse’s time. The whole thing was a bust.
Why am I sharing this? Do I think other people will try to take it out themselves? No. I don’t think people are as impulsive and silly as I was being that night, but there are people out there that do try it. You can search home procedures on YouTube. So, just in case you get into a pickle like me, DON’T TRY IT!!
I will update when I get it taken out…. I’ll also be throwing a party because I cannot wait. I’m going to make my appointment tomorrow. Having it stuck here in my arm and not knowing of any way to have it taken out because of cost has been the most frustrating thing I’ve dealt with in a long time. I’m ready for it to go. I hate birth control. I hate anything that causes your hormones to go all out of whack. My body is going to be a drug-free zone for a while, while I get it back on track.
P.S – My antibiotics are disgusting.