Over the past few months, I’ve grown as a person. I haven’t become richer, I haven’t got more stuff, I still have the same old shitty car, I’m still single and I’m still in the same situations as I’ve been in for a while. But I can honestly say that I’m happier than I’ve ever been. How? This is because I’ve learned to appreciate life for what it is and started to be grateful. I’ve also applied a few things that I’ve learned. But you’ve probably seen this introduction before. I wrote a blog a few weeks back about being happy. This isn’t going to be a repeat. This is going to be me, letting you know what I’ve learned and helping you understand that you can be happy if you want to be. This will be a two part blog. This isn’t a blog about beating depression BUT I have suffered from depression and would love to share my story on how I beat it. That will follow next week or sometime soon. This post is purely on how I let go of things and just allowed myself to be happy. Are you ready?
#1 – Let go of these silly ideas of what true happiness is
First of all, you have to let go of this idea that you can only be happy in a relationship. I am divorced and since then I’ve had nothing but failed relationships. I purely put it down to the fact that I needed to grow as a person and it hasn’t been my time yet, but I’m also happy alone. I use them as life lessons. That aside, you do not need to measure happiness on whether or not someone else loves you. You haven’t made it just because you’re in a committed relationship. You aren’t a failure just because you’re not married. At the end of the day, there’s A LOT more to life than just settling down with someone. For some of us, the very fact that we haven’t yet found a life partner could very well be because we need to grow and learn to appreciate ourselves. People don’t see it this way though. People think that in order to be happy, they need to be loved. Of course we all want love, but it isn’t the only thing that’s going to make you happy. You have to learn to be happy within yourself so that if those relationships do fail, you aren’t miserable. This took practice.
It’s not just relationships either. Money! Money will always come back. So if you’re struggling… GUESS WHAT? A lot of us are struggling. You could either sit there and mope around, blaming money issues for your unhappiness or you could get up and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Money won’t come to people who sit around feeling sorry for themselves. That’s something I have finally learned. I have three kids. The older two, I don’t get child support for which is hard enough, and then my baby’s father is an alcoholic, waste of life. The ultimate deadbeat. I used to sit around feeling angry that I didn’t have any help and that all my money was being poured into my baby and nobody was helping. Then I just simply stopped giving a damn. It became a non-issue. It became a thing of the past. I stopped worrying, I stopped blaming other people. I quit the victim mentality and now I’m surviving. I’m happy! I just get on! All these things, we just need to LET GO of. These things do not determine whether or not you are having a good life.
#2 – Learn to love yourself
If you tell yourself you’re bad at things, guess what? That becomes your truth. If you tell yourself you’re fat and ugly and nobody will like you, guess what? Those will become your truth too. It’s all about energy and spirit. You’re projecting a negative energy. Not only is it off-putting to potential partners, but it’s also hold you back from being your best self. I have been a little victim of my own insecurities all my life and I’ve only just stopped it. Learn to love yourself. This is super important. Whenever you start to doubt yourself, ERASE THAT THOUGHT and replace it with a positive one. Think of something you’re good at. For me, it’s parenting. I’m a good mum, so I tell myself I am and guess what? It makes me an even better one. I know I’m good with horses, so guess what? I acknowledge the fact that I am. It doesn’t have to be major things. Just think about something you’re proud of or like about yourself and let yourself know. Appreciate yourself. As soon as I started to love myself, I found that I was in a much happier place.
I became someone else once I started to like myself a little more. I’ve always been insecure. I’ve always told myself I can’t do things. My confidence has been shot for years, but now I’m more confident in myself because I love myself. I’m not beaming yet. I’m still learning to come out of myself but I’m a lot better than I was last year and I’ll continue to grow.
Other ways of loving yourself are also having a nice relaxing bath with candles, pampering yourself. Just looking after yourself. Knowing that you deserve good things. Love yourself on the outside as well as the inside.
#3 – Be grateful
I went over this in Self Improvement and Being in a Better Place Mentally
It’s so easy to think of all the things that are going wrong in our lives. Once you learn to wake up and think about all the things that are going right in your life, then you’re golden. You’ll start to have better days. Your problems won’t be as apparent or you’ll just tackle them and move on.
Wake up every morning and think of something you’re grateful for. I wake up and walk outside. I breathe in the nice cool (or as cool as it can get in Florida) morning air. I take a look around, admiring and appreciating my surroundings as I take a deep breath in and then I get on with my day. Sometimes at night I’ll just go outside and look up at the stars and appreciate the beautiful world we live in. Again, it’s all about energy. If you’re putting that positive energy out there, the universe will give it back. Go outside and feel the breeze on your face. Know that you’re ALIVE!
#4 – Learn how to connect with yourself
Connecting with yourself is important. It’s not just talking to yourself. It’s beyond sitting and thinking to yourself. It’s hard to write down. I could give an example. When I first properly connected with myself, it was like I was in a white room, stood across from myself. I sat down and spoke to me and we went over what we’d like to change about me and what we would like to keep around. We spoke about deep things and really just learned a lot about ourself. Sounds mad, right? haha
You’ll be able to handle future situations better if you’re connected with yourself and know who you truly are.
I’m not going to go into major detail with this one because my kids have now decided to distract me and I don’t want to write a bunch of nonsense. I, myself have not figured out the words to describe how to connect with yourself but when you know, you know!
#5 – Knowing that you have control
I found that I was in a much better place when I finally learned that I am in control of things. I’m in control of how I feel or at least how I react to those feelings. I’m in control of whether or not I want to sit and be depressed or get up and enjoy my ONE life that I’ve got. I’m in control of my mind. Something upsets me, I allow myself a minute or two to get whatever feelings I need to get out, then I lock it up and I take control. I did this when I beat depression (That post will follow). I knew that nobody was going to help me so I had to do it myself. I got up and took control. You have to understand that your mind is very powerful and when you finally realise that, you’ll be able to beat anything. You control your own life.
We all allow ourselves to get controlled by our personality, but in reality we can control the type of person we want to be. Hey, I’m not saying my personality is on point and I’m the nicest person in the world, because I’m not but I know who I am and how I want to grow.
#6 – Practice happiness
Yup, practice it. Like everything else, it has to be repeated for 21 days in order to become a habit. I practiced it and now I’m truly happy. Your happiness needs to come from a genuine place though. You can’t just be happy because things are going your way. You’ve got to learn to be happy even when something goes wrong. You can’t be happy just because your financially stable. I mean, just look at how many celebrities have committed suicide over the years. They didn’t have money problems. If you’re like me and don’t get out much, your happiness needs to come from a place other than just seeing and speaking to people. Similar to what I said before, you have to appreciate life for what it is. Life is great. Life is wonderful. Life is beautiful. If you focus on all that’s going wrong, that will become your truth, your energy and your life. You have to find the small things that make you enjoy this world and keep focusing on them every day until you wake up one morning and think “Wow, I feel truly happy within myself”.
When I feel myself getting wound up or wanting to be negative, I think of small things that make me happy. Fairy lights, candles, beaches, sunsets, stars, music and then I think about some of the bigger things that make me happy. I’m lucky that I have three kids that adore me, I’m lucky that I’ve had my horse for as long as I have and she’s healthy, I’m lucky that I’m healthy, I’m happy that I live somewhere pretty. All these positive things outweigh the negative and then the thing that was bothering me, disappears and I’m happy again. We all have our own way of cheering ourselves up. You’ve just gotta keep doing it and focus on them.
#7 Separate yourself from everyone else’s misery
The one thing I promised myself at the start of this year is that I wouldn’t allow myself to focus on other people’s problems. I will be a good friend and listen if someone needs help but I will disconnect after a while, especially if they don’t take my advice and just continue to wallow in self-pity.
This year was about me growing as a person. I, myself, have been this person too many times. Projecting my misery and my problems onto other people. Friends, partners. Constantly complaining. I can only imagine how draining it was on them. When I finally realised this wasn’t who I wanted to be, I learned to control it. Have you ever spoken to a friend who can’t stop rambling on about how shitty their life is? It’s exhausting isn’t it? The thing is, it’s comfortable and gives them satisfaction. People love to bitch about their problems to the point where they can’t stop. It’s unhealthy. Where we can be good friends and listen, we also need to know how to cut them off, for our own mental health and well-being. Be like “Okay, I gave you an hour of my time but I now cannot be around that negative energy.” and just separate yourself from it. You might not realise but their energy projects on to you and starts to make you feel shitty too.
I refuse to be that person now. If I need to vent, I’ll give it five minutes and then I’ll stop because I don’t want to bring anyone else down. I can’t believe what a miserable bugger I used to be. I apologise to anyone who’s energy I brought down. I really do. I can’t be like that anymore but I also can’t allow other people to be like that around me either. People love to get lost in their own misery. Don’t allow it to be around you. Reject it and surround yourself with happier people. You’re not a bad friend for moving on. That person will continue on their journey and hopefully learn the error of their ways at some point but if you want to grow as a person and be happy, you can’t allow miserable people to offload that energy onto you! This one is very important.
When I finally realised how to apply all these things, I felt like I had just kicked down a brick wall. I felt amazing. Like I’m finally the person I knew I could be. And again, nothing much in my life has changed. Just my perspective. Money isn’t an issue to me. Relationships aren’t an issue to me. Things aren’t an issue to me because I’m finally HAPPY and I FINALLY love myself. If a relationship happens at the right time, then awesome. I welcome it. But I don’t sit crying because I don’t have a partner. I don’t go looking for people to make me happy. I learn to make my own happiness. If I have a money issue one week, I relax and understand money will come and go. Isn’t important. The issues I have in my life are nothing compared to other people’s. This universe, this life, my life is much bigger than a few minor problems I have. I won’t focus on them anymore. I won’t allow things to make me miserable. Life is just too damn short!
When you’re able to connect with yourself, when you learn to be grateful and you learn to separate you from society’s way of getting you down. You’ll be in a much better place! I hope my advice helps and that you can apply at least a few of these to your every day life.
Be happy! 🙂